The Journey

It’s always been difficult for me to remain humble. The slightest compliment was a perfect excuse to politely brush it off, then turn it around into a self-delivered, bold, pat on the back. 

I’m finding it hard to not be humble over the course of the last month. People have been so quick to tell me how proud they are of me, and how my stories have inspired them, or touched them and as I politely say thank you, inside, I can feel the self-conscious blush and the overwhelming humility I feel as I wonder,  “why me”?

How can someone so small and so insignificant be an inspiration to anyone? 

But the more I learn, the more I experience in my new Journey with Christ, the more I am assured that my experience is real. That… it’s not some self induced sense of being moved by great sermons -and they are great- but that the hand of God reached down and touched me. A life-changing touch more brief than the woman who touched Jesus cloak and was healed of her 12 years of bleeding, yet, like her, I was healed of a miserable lifetime of doubt and sin and living a self-serving life. 

I am truly honored to know that even a little person like me can be welcomed into the Kingdom of God and stand beside his servants. 

Tonight, Pastor King told me that I have blessed his heart. Me! I though I was invisible to the world, but I’m reminded over and over that I’m not invisible to the God that I turned my back on for most of my life, and to know that the same God I turned from has a place for me… Nothing else could be so great. 

Lord, I am humiliated and ashamed of how I’ve lived my life,  and at how I’ve neglected you and turned away from you. I truly believe that I do not deserve your mercy or your grace, and I pray that you can continue to use me, not just as an example, but in anyway that you see fit. I serve you, my Lord, and by the grace of your beloved son, Jesus, I pray that you will continue to guide my life, which I put in your hands. 

Amen

 

From February 1, 2012

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